Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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