Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
