And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drake has all the answers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
