After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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