That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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