Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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