woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
