Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
