Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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