standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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