Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
