So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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