I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize