I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
