I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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