her vagina looked like bernie madoff
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
