I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
