Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
