oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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