sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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