you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
