Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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