It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
