my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
