I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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