so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
