Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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