READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
