And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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