I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
