I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
