I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize