Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
