Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
