His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
