VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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