so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
