Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
