Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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