I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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