he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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