exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
