my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
