i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
my liver is dry heaving
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
