Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
