Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
