U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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