last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
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He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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