I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there was a trapeze. enough said
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
