Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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