Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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