It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
