all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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