Ambien. No doubt about it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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