Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
