do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
