Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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