A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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