party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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