people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
