found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
