wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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