I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
