dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Send help, water and tortillas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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