I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
