You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm always down for nudity.
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