His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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