would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
