she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
