i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
