I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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