my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
