I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
