You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
