I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
