The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
