So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
