Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
