ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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