she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
