her vagine was all disorganized.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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